Sunday, February 13, 2011

Broken Hearts

About seven months ago I was starting my second term at Camp Barnabas. There I met a girl, her name was Summer. It took about two weeks for me to know that I loved her. And for five months I focused on nothing but her. December 26 she told me that she thought we needed to be just friends. Needless to say I was crushed. I still am. I was completely in love with a girl, that no longer wanted to be more than friends. It's been almost two months, and it's taken me this long to make the connection. God has been completely in love with me for a little over 18 years. I've never fully understood what that meant until recently. Because now I know the pain when the person you love is no longer there. I know that God loves me a million times more than I could even dream about loving this girl. So I can't imagine the pain I cause every time I turn my back on Him. I also wouldn't wish the pain I feel on anyone else in the world. So why do I cause my Creator to have this pain everyday? I know I can't be perfect, but knowing a tiny portion of what I put God through, sure makes me want to try to be perfect.

Saturday, February 5, 2011


Why are people so easily influenced? Why is it that the tiniest little thing in our day can change our entire mood? I always feel like my mood can change just by the song I'm listening to. It's amazing to me, that I can feel completely inspired to go and do something amazing just by listening to a three minute song, and then three minutes later be a little depressed because of the song that just finished. It doesn't seem to take much to change my the way I feel.
And then the exact opposite happens. It seems like it takes years for you to be able to see a persons influence on you. Why is that? Is this just me, and am I just crazy?
But I've realized over the past couple of weeks certain persons who have influenced me over the past several years.
Being in school this year, I am constantly surrounded with foul language, guys talking about all the girls they've slept with, people talking about how high or drunk they were the night before. I was warned that it would be this bad, but I didn't really believe that it would be this bad.
Thankfully I'm not involved with these conversations, when I hear one started, I turn and walk away. I can't walk away from the language, but thankfully I can walk away from the other problems.
I'm not trying to sound like I'm better than the rest of the world, because I know that without certain people over the past few years, I wouldn't be walking away. Without people that held me to higher standards everyday of my life before I was surrounded by these things, without people to make me do the right thing before it was necessary. I would be just as involved in these conversations and maybe even actions.
I was sheltered from the world in so many ways, and I'm very thankful for it, because at a younger age I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I wasn't ready for it.
I'm very thankful that God has provided people to help me become ready.
Without them I'm not sure where I would be now, or how I would be handling the situations I've been put in.
Through them I've been blessed by God.
I can't imagine what my life would be like without them in it, and I'm glad I don't have too.